Mental Impotence

27Aug08

Losing it. Being Limp. Cannot perform. Sounding all too familar? For sure it sounds like impotence. No more stimulation, no more excitement. Definitely, it feels damn sucky not being able to fully erect. Small problem, big issue, for men, a shameful physical problem. I wouldn’t know and I don’t want to know how it feels to be so, but i can imagine yet i rather not imagine at all, an utterly depressing thought. A young man like me should be looking forward to things, not looking downwards and worry about it staying down all the time, get what i mean, heh. However, i have been feeling limp lately. I lost it. Not my ability to erect (no worries about that, i still have the ability to marikita) but what i am talking about here is my motivation. Like a impotent dude, it’s down and staying down, not even struggling to rise up, cause it can’t.

Sounds dang depressing eh, well at times, i do feel this way, just “lost” or “missing”. So much for personal development and learning. I dun really feel emotional about things nowadays, i feel so empty, too empty in fact. I think about things, but i don’t think deep enough, or at least i think so. I feel like working, but working for money isn’t it, sometimes working for the experience is far from it either, it isn’t what i really want. Maybe i am asking for too much, maybe it is too little. I don’t really know. I m just, “lost”. I need a few days to refocus, rewind and recover. I need to find a path, move along it, towards something at least. This mental impotence of mine is driving me nuts really. Feel like i am losing it, no motivation, no inspiration, just boredom and being lost. Is it something akin to a “mental impotence”? Another dilemma that has come about?

Hmm kinda frustrating if ya think about it. I think i shouldn’t think too much or try too hard. Maybe i should live the moment, just Enjoy life.

With love,

Kelvin